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Perhaps unsurprisingly, very few people say they fell in love with someone because of the size, shape, or appearance of their genitals or gonads. And most us don’t even have access to the other aspects of sex (brain structure and function, genetics, hormone profile) for ourselves much less romantic or sexual partners.

None of us falls in love with our partners solely due to their biological sex. And though sexual activity may form an important part of romantic relationships, if surveys are any indication, it’s a pretty small part, especially in terms of time. Rather, we fall in love with their gender: personality, values, behavior, trustworthiness, sense of humor, etc. Those might be influenced/mediated by biology but they’re not what we usually mean when we refer to a person’s biological sex. Even secondary sex characteristics are not among the top physical characteristics respondents say they notice first in prospective partners. No, it’s our eyes and smiles that get named first. Hair and shoes also regularly top the list.

Which aspect of biological sex should determine our pronouns? And how will we fund MRIs, ultrasounds, blood tests, and genetic sequencing for all of humanity, so we’ll all know what our sex is and can inform current and prospective sexual partners?

Professional homosexual. Professor. Writer. Scholar. Activist. Husband.

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