Yep, you’re right! I surrender!

Men are just better at sports because Men! And Testosterone!

There are no multi-billion dollar sports cultures and industries that privilege certain male bodies and transform them through rigorous, lifelong activities called Athletic Training and Sports. The word training, in Sports, is just a euphemism for armchair-quarterbacking Sunday Night Football and eating nachos and wings. Elite athletes are merely the expression of naturally-occurring physical differences between The Sexes that any idiot can detect simply by looking in their underpants. Duh!

How could I have been so stupid as to think social structures actually produce some of the very physical differences that gender conservatives misrepresent as “natural”? Please accept my sincere apologies for not recognizing the transparently non-ideological biological reality of the Natural Athletic Superiority of Men — all of them! Everywhere! Cuz Testosterone!

I will now abandon my entire professional career of reading, teaching, researching, thinking, and writing about biological sex and socio-cultural gender — specifically men and masculinities — and enter the NFL Combine because, as A Guy with Testosterone (helping explain my superior heart, lungs, hips, height, and bones) I’m clearly (and naturally!) a Superior Athlete.

Testosterone! Rawr!